Too Sexy Too Soon

"High Heels for Babies?" Hard to believe but this story actually appeared in September on the Today Show. Some may find this idea cute, but for us, it speaks to a disturbing trend of sexualizing younger and younger girls. Many parents in our workshops worry about the impact of this trend on their daughters. And they should. The American Psychological Association has linked the hyper-sexualization of young girls to eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression - three very serious mental health concerns.

As psychologists and parent coaches, we believe that there are specific ways that parents can empower their daughters to become strong, resilient, and grounded, as they grow up in a culture that puts so much emphasis on appearance and sexuality. To inoculate girls from this very real pressure requires giving parents tools to help their daughters develop their "true self". Particularly in middle school, parents need to help their girls to define themselves in ways that are separate from what the culture-at-large says they should be. Some parents think that the solution is to figure out the answer to the question, "Should I let my daughter wear Ugg boots and a mini skirt at her age?". While a discussion of appropriate clothing is important, the real key is to help girls define and appreciate their unique strengths and inner beauty.

When we talk to girls, the first thing we do is ask them to name one thing about themselves that they wouldn't change no matter what. We love this question because we always get interesting answers. Some begin with their accomplishments: I'm a dancer, skier, singer, I'm good at math. But, they also tell us they are proud to be thoughtful, a good friend, smart, funny, and so on. The message here is that there is something truly special and unique about each one of you - your "true self". We teach the girls strategies to remember their "true self" when they are faced with situations that challenge their confidence and self worth.

You can help your daughters focus on their inner strengths in similar ways at home. Begin by asking your daughter to make a written list of all her strengths and skills. Nothing is too small or simple to make the list. Then, ask her to circle one of those things that she wouldn’t change about herself no matter what. Tape the list of strengths on her mirror or wall so that she sees it every day. Simple strategies such as these can yield powerful results. One teen we know carries her "Strengths list" in her coat pocket.. She told us it gave her a small surge of confidence every time she reached into her pocket.

Try this with your teen and let us know thoughts. We'd love to hear from you!