Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Too Sexy Too Soon

"High Heels for Babies?" Hard to believe but this story actually appeared in September on the Today Show. Some may find this idea cute, but for us, it speaks to a disturbing trend of sexualizing younger and younger girls. Many parents in our workshops worry about the impact of this trend on their daughters. And they should. The American Psychological Association has linked the hyper-sexualization of young girls to eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression - three very serious mental health concerns.

As psychologists and parent coaches, we believe that there are specific ways that parents can empower their daughters to become strong, resilient, and grounded, as they grow up in a culture that puts so much emphasis on appearance and sexuality. To inoculate girls from this very real pressure requires giving parents tools to help their daughters develop their "true self". Particularly in middle school, parents need to help their girls to define themselves in ways that are separate from what the culture-at-large says they should be. Some parents think that the solution is to figure out the answer to the question, "Should I let my daughter wear Ugg boots and a mini skirt at her age?". While a discussion of appropriate clothing is important, the real key is to help girls define and appreciate their unique strengths and inner beauty.

When we talk to girls, the first thing we do is ask them to name one thing about themselves that they wouldn't change no matter what. We love this question because we always get interesting answers. Some begin with their accomplishments: I'm a dancer, skier, singer, I'm good at math. But, they also tell us they are proud to be thoughtful, a good friend, smart, funny, and so on. The message here is that there is something truly special and unique about each one of you - your "true self". We teach the girls strategies to remember their "true self" when they are faced with situations that challenge their confidence and self worth.

You can help your daughters focus on their inner strengths in similar ways at home. Begin by asking your daughter to make a written list of all her strengths and skills. Nothing is too small or simple to make the list. Then, ask her to circle one of those things that she wouldn’t change about herself no matter what. Tape the list of strengths on her mirror or wall so that she sees it every day. Simple strategies such as these can yield powerful results. One teen we know carries her "Strengths list" in her coat pocket.. She told us it gave her a small surge of confidence every time she reached into her pocket.

Try this with your teen and let us know thoughts. We'd love to hear from you!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Teen not Talking? Get Moving!

Teens love to talk, just not to their parents. You can open the lines of communication with your teen by engaging them in physical movement. Shoot some hoops, play a game of ping pong, toss a frisbee, go for a walk, and don't be surprised to see your teen open up and share what’s on their mind.

This is a true story.

Fourteen year old Megan came home from school and her mom could tell that something was "off". Megan went to her room without saying "Hi" and slammed the door.

"Hi Honey, How was your day?" (said Mom, through door)

"Fine!"

"Is everything OK?" (attempt #2)

"I'm FINE!"

"Really? You don't seem like you're fine. Can I come in?" (attempt #3)

"NO! I'M FINE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" (code for "If you think I am going to talk to you, you are crazy!")

At this point, the wise parent backed off and left Megan alone in her room. After about an hour, Mom tried again.

"Megan, your brother is out for another hour, how about we play ping pong?"

Megan reluctantly agrees.

After 10 minutes of hitting the ball back and forth, Megan quietly mentions:

"They changed the lunch tables today (pause) and I wasn't with any of my friends".

" I am so sorry to hear that . . . "

And just like that they were having a real conversation about what was bothering Megan.

How did things changes so quickly? In one word - MOVEMENT! Physical movement has a powerful effect on the brain. It leads to a more relaxed emotional state and clearer thinking. When Megan first got home from school, she was overwhelmed by the emotional upset of the day and the noisy thoughts in her brain. She was unable to talk to her mom in that state, without feeling like more was coming in than she could handle. As Megan hit the ball back and forth with her mother, the "noise" in her brain quieted down, her real thoughts got clearer, and the things that were truly on her mind began to come out. She was ready to be in a real conversation with her mom, where they could talk and problem solve together.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Welcome

Welcome to our Empowerment Fitness® Blog dedicated to helping parents just like you navigate the challenges of raising positive, resilient teens.

In this Blog, we will share with you our expert advice as psychologists and developers of Empowerment Fitness® , an original, Boston-based mind-body program for teens. We will also share with you fascinating, true stories of challenges that teens face and strategies they used to bounce back from adversity, move forward, and feel good about themselves. The Empowerment Fitness program teaches real-life strategies from positive psychology for helping middle and high school students manage stress, friendships, popularity, competitive activities, negative body image, and test anxiety.

So, join the conversation, tell us what you’re thinking, and please, let us know what you’re worried about - we can offer some insight that will help.